Ironman Boulder 2015

this was the place where the only thing i had was my true-raw-self

the day before the race, saturday, i was exhausted.  i felt completely lethargic, a heavy chest and smashed.  i had done nothing for days - what the hell.  

i went to bed grumpy, exhausted and sick at 7:30pm.  at 1a.m. sunday morning i poked liz and told her i felt horrible. still exhausted and a heavy chest. what the hell should i do?  it felt like she didn't understand.  i went on and on with a full on pity-party in my head and sometimes out loud.  at 3:30 when the alarm went off i drug myself into the bathroom and just put my shit on.  still not knowing how to navigate and basically telling myself i can't do this ironman thing feeling exhausted.  there is no way.  liz came upstairs to the kitchen as i filled my water bottles.  i stood at the counter and cried and said i can't do this....why aren't you telling me i shouldn't go.  i feel so awful.  you can't complete the ironman distance feeling like this.  she convinced me to just go up there  because I had to get my bike anyway.  

my dad was waiting outside in his camper.  he started up the engine.  i kissed liz and off we went.  i told him how i felt.  he said "oh shoot - well, just see how you feel and try your best."  then he completely distracted me by telling me a story about my brother....  i jumped out of the camper and onto the bus headed for the reservoir - in what felt like a flash i had jumped in the practice swim to see what it felt like.  the water was warmer then the outside air.  after a short lap i looked a guy and he said - "well, i feel a little more normal now"...  i responded with "yeah, just a tiny bit".  the exchange helped me a little less alone in my awfulness.  i was searching everywhere for Yoli...but couldn't find the spark plug...  i lined up where she and i talked about - and just waited with a sort of strange calm.  looking to my right, i finally saw her right before the start.  she just looked at me and said i could do it.  it was perfect.  

the swim went smoothly.  i thought about how awesome it was to pull the energy from nature and feel it surround me and propel me through the water.  my sports bra wasn't the best swim suit choice causing some drag, but i felt good and calm coming out of the water.  that's one of the things i really like about this long distance race.  i really like that it's long - that each second doesn't need to feel panicked.  it was a pleasant surprise.  

on to the bike...my ghetto, non-triathlon bike..... but it did okay for the day.  i walked through the transition and got a huge boost of energy from my YTT team.  i'm not a team person and don't even really like the team idea - but their is something special about the group Yoli has.  they are kind, generous, encouraging and courageous.  i enjoy all of them and their smiles and cheers did light me up. 

my nutrition plan was to down a full bonk breaker off the bike and then use my steady sipping of hammer perpetuem for the first hour.  i had no appetite and it was near impossible to even get down a small part of the bonk breaker- this was a small mistake but might have had a big impact.  the first lap flew by.  every hour i had a roctaine gu gel that had 100 calories and caffeine.  it mostly worked because i supplemented with drinking perpetuem and water.  i settled into my pace and was okay with people passing me on the bike. watching my heart rate and trying to be conscious that this event required i stay in a comfortable zone for a long time.  lap two on the bike seemed to crawl and my nutrition plan wasn't feeling adequate.  i actually felt hungry which i knew wasn't good.  so i ate more bonk breaker and just kept pushing the fluids.  i felt the heat too.  at each aid station i would pick up a fresh water bottle and dump what was left of my previous one on top of my head.  i did what i thought was well on the hydration but likely still just not quite enough - or maybe not enough salt.  not sure.  

lap three was a big fake out.  i didn't realize that we had to travel a bit of out and back on jay road ... ugh.  hot.  up big hills.  a lady next to me was complaining.  i thought it was kind of funny because i knew the course and even though the hills at the end felt difficult, my family was waiting at the transition for me.  keep moving.  snow cones at the top of 75th were the best thing ever.  riding back into boulder i did think about how i felt fine now - i mean, tired and ready to be off the bike and hungry, but not sick.  was it anxiety that made me so physically sick?  i think it was and that is crazy.  how powerful our minds can be. 

onto the run.  this was my time.  except i had no juice left in the tank.  i felt good and happy but my nutrition wasn't strong enough to help me run the way i can.  this is one thing i am bummed about.  i can run so much better even completely exhausted but my hydration and nutrition only allowed me to drag myself through the miles.  mile 15 felt the worst.  i walked.  it was stupid.  but each time i passed the girls or liz, i knew i was one step closer to doing something that stretched me and helped me grow in an entirely new way.  i crossed the line and was so happy.. i did it. 

i gained a tremendous appreciation for the value of "quality" time.  now when i get to see the kids before school because i'm not on a long bike ride - i feel so much more joy.  when i get the opportunity to wake up and say - i'm going for a long run or speed work just because I want to - i feel so grateful.  when i feel a sense of accomplishment on completing a goal, i know i couldn't have done it had i not had the support of Liz and not run into Yoli one random day at Washington park.  some things are meant to be.  

one more thing - will i do this again?  at the finish line i said hell no.  today i think probably.  

Grand Canyon Double Crossing: by Liz

Holy frickin cow… the experience of a lifetime!!!!!  i had no idea what i was getting into and certainly didn’t have it as a goal in life.  in fact, i thought we were hiking to the north rim one day and back to the south rim the next (challenging enough in and of itself… particularly considering i’ve run more than an hour maybe twice in the last two months)... until i learned when we were talking with a friend two or three weeks ago that my love’s goal for years had been to do rim to rim to rim and our goal was actually to go the full way in one day.  for the rest of that time, until we got to the canyon, i was nervous.  would i turn an ankle?  would my knees crash?  would my hamstring (which of course developed a phantom pain a week before we left) prevent me from going any further?

our trip down was a kick.  we were in sync from the very beginning.  carefree timelessness to talk about everything or nothing, and it all felt so relaxed.  and then we met the bus crew… we were definitely about 30 years below the average age.  how cool that barb and tom assemble this group every year!  one guy was going to run both ways.  one guy was going rim to rim to rim in one day.  we decided to hang out with him.

looking at the canyon on thursday night was humbling.  as we stood there in our running clothes (as we had ditched everything else in barb’s room or the bus) and thought about what we were about to do, i felt excitement… you know, maybe it’s my rosy remembrance, but i only remember excitement, not doubt.  of course, i thought we were just going down and up, but i realized much later that we actually went deep into the north rim -- about 10 miles -- before going up.  CRAZY!!  i was filled with excitement and anticipation.  okay, a little nervousness.

morning of was all fired up.  so cool to be out there in our headlamps and no one or nothing else!  just steep cliffs, the dark, my love and her light in front of me and the slight outlines of rims in the distance as the sun started to rise.  so cool to watch her kick butt in the distance.  i felt strong, happy, alive, so so thankful to have this opportunity.  my love moved faster than i could.  i had to watch every step, knowing my propensity to step on things and turn my ankle.  but, as the sun came up and the headlamps became unnecessary and the steep edges subsided and the grade lessened, i eased into a comfortable jog that made me feel invincible.  seeing the water down below.  whoa.  humbling and thrilling.  there are no words that can describe this experience.  

actually, i can’t really recount it all.  we ran for a long time… through beauty, having conversation, having fun, feeling really really great.  i did turn my ankle once, but the pain/discomfort wasn’t bad at all and eventually went away.  phew!  i took it as a warning that i needed to pay HUGE attention to every step.

seriously, i can’t describe the feeling, but i can say a few things.  i never doubted us for a second.  we paused to consider the sanity of our adventure when it started snowing on the north rim, but once we left there (and prior to that), i had complete confidence in us.  even as we were running back from the north to the south along the floor with driving rain in tough headwinds and dwindling strength in my legs, i knew we’d get it done.  that kind of accomplishment does something internally.  i feel so alive, so accomplished, so strong, so thankful, so in love… many of which i feel frequently, but at a different level for a different reason.  the canyon is magical and incredibly humbling.  you look back out over it in total disbelief.  and appreciation.  this had been a goal of my love’s for years.  the drive to help her accomplish it was on fire in me.  i loved the time we spent together, the teamwork we shared, the giggles, the conversations, the quiet.  every frickin piece of it.  i’d be happy to ride this adventure forever… but i think it will inspire us to just create more similar (although this was an unmatchable one) adventures.  

no words can truly do this justice

Grand Canyon Double Crossing: by betsy

preparations leading up to our day in the canyon came mostly with ease.  hydration packs, nutrition, emergency stuff and all weather gear.  a little less easy was the coordination and communication of care for dena and maya.  agreeing to an overnight with grandpa and some other family and sitter supports - we were off.  

our day of travel was long and relaxing.  liz and i had the kind of time we rarely experience with the pace of our everyday lives and caring for the two little ladies.  we just sat in one another's presence.  sometimes talking and sometimes not saying anything.  i love these moments.  we landed in the desert and soaked in a long missed dose of sunshine after weeks of rain in denver.

we arrived at the entrance to the canyon and the rain caught up to us.  we quickly headed to our room - knowing we needed to organize our gear, spend a few minutes talking with our crew and getting to bed!    when my head hit the pillow my thoughts started to race about our upcoming adventure - but holding on tight to liz - i managed to fall asleep.  

just before our 3:45am alarm went off, i woke up ready to get moving.  we hustled through our usual morning routines and met the taxi and our new friend John and headed to the south kaibab trailhead.  yes - a taxi at the grand canyon at 4am.  strange.

at 4:18am we turned on our headlamps and dropped into the dark abyss of the grand canyon.  layers and layers deep of rock carved out - over millions of years where once the sea cut through the land.  the excitement of the journey ahead and the energy of this natural phenomena splitting open the earth provided the momentum that would carry us through the many hours that lay ahead.  as the sun rose and started to expose the beauty and enormity of the canyon, the colors radiated and i felt connected to the land.  my feet moved swiftly.   i love running downhill and moving quickly over rocky terrain.  liz, doesn’t prefer running downhill and slowly and cautiously walks to avoid ankle mishaps.  i  moved ahead and would occasionally wait at different points for her to arrive.  this stop start pace created an early mental challenge; slowing myself down and reconnecting with my desire to travel together.  many many hours later i would be very thankful that liz held our speed in check and likely saved my quads.  

as the sun continued to rise, liz would cheer in excitement at the majestic beauty and each new landmark that came into view; a glimpse of the mighty colorado, the bridge that crosses the river and the cave that leads to the bridge.  we crossed the river and started to run!!  yes!!  my legs moved and enjoyed the momentum.  

moving swiftly through phantom ranch and on to my favorite section of the trail - the floor of the canyon.  a gradual rolling climb that allowed my thoughts to flow like the river we followed and my body to float above the trail.  

the gentle sounds of the river connected liz and me in a new way.  we talked about everything and nothing.  i felt our deeply connected energy travel with the river and time stood still.  in the distance i could see ribbon falls break through the rocks and the sun was now in full force.  

our steep ascent began and early signs of fatigue were showing.  the north kaibab trail is mostly exposed with sharp edges and steep cliffs. we passed the roaring bright angel springs waterfall bursting through the mountain side and pushed through.  the landscape began to change, red rock changing to chalk colored earth.  the short shrubs shifted into pine trees and aspens.  with little gravitas - we Arrived at the top of the NORTH RIM.  7 hours after we started our journey.  as we filled our water we noticed the dark sky looming in the distance and added all the layers of clothing we had - including or ponchos.  rumbling sounds of thunder rattled through the canyon.  and as we dropped back in, the wind and snow started to pound our bodies.  a few feet from the top we took a brief moment we huddled close by a giant pine tree asking one another if we were nuts to attempt the double crossing.  we looked out into the canyon and couldn’t see a thing.  only white - snow and clouds.  but yes - we were nuts.  and yes - we were going to do it!

on the descent from the north rim the exposed rock was slippery. when the wind blew fiercely, we reminded ourselves to hug the canyon walls and avoid getting close to the edge.  i felt the power of this place; sacred land for the Hualapai, Havasupai Tribe and the Navajo.

when we reached the floor of the canyon again, i was excited to let my legs float freely but my body remembered that we were 10 hours into a very difficult adventure.  we had already descended 10,000 ft, ascended 5,500 ft and had another 5,500 ft to ahead.  we had covered many many miles and we still had a long way to go.  the miles and time moved slowly now.liz lead us through headwind and a long and dedicated slog through the floor of the canyon.  rounding each curve i thought surely we would see phantom ranch - the point at which we had the 9 mile, 5,500 ft ascent remaining.  after what felt like forever - it came into view.  

we restocked, shook off our rain drenched clothes and began our race against the sun.  

after crossing the mighty colorado again - we pushed through a sandy trail for a few miles.  slowly the excitement of accomplishing my lifelong goal of a double crossing was getting closer and closer. liz and i found another few hours of easy flow, movement and enjoyment of nothing and everything.  our body’s were done but this energy of near accomplishment and a small run in with an angry big horn sheep propelled us forward.  we passed a legend, a man nicknamed “the beast” heading down the trail a few feet from the top and saw our future flash in front of us.  

after 16 hours we arrived at the top of the south rim, bright angel trailhead.  legs smashed.  body exhausted and in shock.  we made it. my overall feeling was overwhelming gratitude for my wife and partner in life - liz.  as each step passed this feeling grew.  i am quite possibly the luckiest person on earth to share life with her.  together we did this and that was the most important element of the journey